


Happy Rikkai Family

by Whisper132



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-10
Updated: 2006-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whisper132/pseuds/Whisper132
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy Rikkai Family goes on a campout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Rikkai Family

"This place is gross, dad. Let's go home." Akaya kicked at the dirt as he walked with his family up the trail.

"This is the activity your father selected for us," Seiichi-mama said. She wasn't carrying anything because she was pregnant. Akaya wanted a little brother to do his bidding. His parents wanted a girl because girls were supposed to be clean and well kept.

"Hurry up Akaya or you'll fall behind and get eaten by a bear." Masaharu-nii was always threatening to throw Akaya to the mercy of wild animals. If Masaharu-nii didn't watch his back, Akaya was going to push him into the lake and laugh while he drowned.

"Akaya. Masaharu." Genichirou-papa leveled his children with a light-flashing, lightning-cracking stare. "Behave."

"Yes, sir!" the children said before sticking their tongues out at their father behind his back. Masaharu-nii said Gen-papa had a stick in an uncomfortable place and that was why he was always yelling. Mama said yelling was Papa's way of showing he cared. Akaya thought Papa was just a big meanie. One day, Akaya was going to surpass Papa, then Papa would have to be nice to someone other than Mama.

"Why couldn't we go camping in a cleaner place?" Masa-nii asked, scraping something off his shoe.

"Camping builds character," Gen-papa said, standing with his foot propped on a rock: the rugged pose.

Sei-mama's eyes went sparkly. "Oh Genichirou, you're such an outdoorsman!" She snapped a photo.

Masa-nii said Mama's new camera-happy personality was the result of hormones. Since Mama was acting extra girly, Akaya was really, really sure he was getting a baby sister, even though he wanted a brother.

Family outings sucked.

  
&-&

  
Masaharu hated bugs. He hated them more than Akaya hated asparagus and blue Jell-O. He hated bugs because they bit, usually in places he couldn't reach to scratch, usually in places he didn't want anyone else touching to help him scratch.

"Is there a problem Masa-chan?" Seiichi-mama patted her lap. "Come tell Mama about it."

Masaharu was seven and didn't need to run to him mom with his problems. "I'm fine, mom. I just thought I saw a bear."

"Bear?" Genichirou-papa halted in his preparation of the tent. "Did you say you saw a bear?"

"Oh papa! I'm scared!" Sei-mama ran to Gen-papa and curled around his arm. "What if it hurts the children?" Big tears were falling down Mama's cheeks. She cried about everything now. Papa said that Mama cried so much right now because she wanted to do the baby's crying for it so it would be quiet when it was born. Masaharu hoped it worked. Crying babies were annoying.

"I'm stuck!" Akaya flopped around, tangled in tent poles and string. "Help!"

Gen-papa tugged the tent and, suddenly, it was in place and unwound from Akaya. "Come Akaya, we are going to secure the premises."

"Shouldn't I be going?" Masaharu asked. He wanted to see a bear or a wolf or something. Coming back to school with a wolf skin coat would be awesome.

"You must keep Mama and the baby safe. I'm counting on you, Masaharu." Papa gave a thumbs up, picked up a bit of string, and headed off into the woods, Akaya running behind him.

"Come Masaharu, Mama will teach you how to tie knots." Sei-mama patted her lap. "Sit on Mama's lap."

If any of the kids at school found out about this, Masaharu was going to be a laughing stock. Of course, if he didn't do what Mama asked, Mama would get upset and cry, then Papa would strap Masaharu to a tree and coat him in honey for bears to eat. Or so Mama said.

  
&-&

"We are not lost. I know exactly where we are and where we're going." Genichirou-papa stopped and surveyed the land.

They were lost and Gen-papa was in denial. They were going to die in the forest and get eaten by bears. "Why didn't you bring an axe or something, dad?" Akaya would feel much more secure if Papa was carrying an axe and not just a multitool and a bit of string.

"A real outdoorsman relies on his wits, Akaya. We'll be fine. You can kill an animal fifty ways with a bit of string. I will demonstrate." Papa took his meter of string and began to tie an intricate series of knots. "This is a fishing lure." He dangled it and it really did look like a struggling worm. Cool.

"We're not near a lake, dad. The lake is back by the camp and we're lost so we'll never get back there. We're going to die."

"We're not going to die. If it gets too much later, we'll construct a camp from branches and palm fronds." Papa puffed out his chest and posed on a rock again.

"There aren't any palm fronds here, dad." Akaya was probably going to be grounded if he mouthed off more, but they were going to die anyway so it really didn't matter now. A rustling in a nearby bush sent chills racing up Akaya's spine. "Bear! It's a bear! We're going to die!"

Gen-papa pulled Akaya to him. "Stay near Papa. He'll save you."

The bushes rustled and a growl ripped through the air.

"Hi!" A little girl with pink hair popped through the bushes. "Whatcha doin'?"

  
&-&

"That's not a bear," Masaharu grumbled when Genichirou-papa and Akaya came back with a pink haired girl in a bright green dress. "I wanted a bear."

"Oh you poor dear!" Seiichi-mama leapt from her hammock and cradled the little girl in her arms. "Were you lost in the woods?"

"Tensai don't get lost," the girl said. "Maruko was exploring and found these guys." She crooked her thumb at Gen-papa and Akaya. "They thought I was a bear and this guy screamed."

"I didn't scream!" Akaya argued, picking up some dirt and throwing it on Maruko's dress.

"Akaya!" Sei-mama pulled Maruko close and dusted the dirt off her dress. "Apologize to Maruko-chan."

"I'm sorry you're a stupid girl," Akaya said.

Masaharu ran and pulled Akaya away. "He's really sorry. He's just too shy to say anything." To Akaya he whispered, "Don't make Mama mad. She can kill you with a meter of string."

"So can Papa," Akaya whispered back. "He was going to take out the bear when she got in the way."

"Cool," Masaharu said. "If we get rid of her, I bet we could go look for the bear."

"I want a claw necklace," Akaya said, his eyes losing focus while he imagined himself, a child of the wilderness, adorned in the spoils of a successful hunt.

Masaharu just wanted a bear skin coat. Yagyuu-sensei would think it was really cool and let Masaharu stay in at recess to help clean the blackboards.

&-&

"Akaya's got a girlfriend! Akaya's got a girlfriend!" Masaharu threw flowers over Akaya and Maruko.

Akaya tried to pry Maruko's hand from his and succeeded in scratching himself with his nail. "She's not my girlfriend!"

"How adorable!" Seiichi-mama beamed at the youngsters while she stirred a pot of beans over the fire. "Doesn't it remind you of when we were young, Papa?"

"Yes." Genichirou-papa always agreed with Sei-mama when she had a ladle of hot something in her hands.

"Maruko! Maruko!" The bushes rattled and a woman in a an apron with the chemical composition of caffeine printed on it stepped through. "There you are Maruko! Mama was worried about you!"

Maruko dragged Akaya to her mother. "Mama! Mama! I'm getting married!" She held up their twined hands as evidence.

Maruko's mother pulled Maruko up into a hug, allowing Akaya to run away to the safety of his own mother. "I'm terribly sorry Maruko caused you trouble. I'm Kabaji Renjiko. It's a pleasure to meet you."

  
&-&

Masaharu looked at Maruko's mountain of a father. "Gross," he said, pulling an open-mouthed Akaya away. "You can't marry her Akaya, the kids would be ugly."

"Masaharu! We don't say the U word." Seiichi-mama cupped her hand over Masaharu's mouth. "My apologies Kabaji-san. You know how kids are."

"Maruko-chan is cute!" Maruko-chan said, pouting. "Her babies will be cute too!" She ran and grabbed Akaya's hand. "I caught him. He's mine now."

Genichirou-papa stood in the back of the campsite, looking as masculine as possible. He could take Kabaji-san if need be. He still had the rope.

"Would your family like to join us for some bear stew?" Renjiko asked, smiling as she tried to dislodge Maruko from Akaya. "Munehiro caught a bear yesterday. I'm going to sew a new coat for Maruko."

"I hate you," Masaharu said, throwing dirt on Maruko and earning himself a smack across the head from Sei-mama.

Maruko dragged Akaya away. "We'll save you Aka-kun. Live with us!" The two children vanished into the bushes.

"Your child just kidnapped my son," Sei-mama said to Renjiko before turning to Gen-papa. "I suggest you bring them back. Dinner is almost done."

Renjiko moved to her husband and patted him on the shoulder. "Go with him, Munehiro. It will be fun."

"Uhs."

  
&-&

Being kidnapped by girls wasn't so bad. They smelled okay and they made you dinner. Yeah, dinner was just some fruit snacks and jerky, but Akaya didn't have to share it with anyone and Masa-nii wasn't stealing the red fruit snacks and trading them out for the gross blue fruit snacks. Maruko liked the blue ones and was happy to trade. Akaya could get used to this.

"I want three babies," Maruko said, staring into her Ponta. "Two girls and one boy."

"No kids." Akaya didn't want Maruko getting scary like Sei-mama.

Maruko threw the can, spilling Ponto on Akaya's head. "Two girls and one boy," she insisted, taking Akaya's food back.

Akaya heard the bees and had just enough time to run to the lake before a cloud of them descended.

On the shore Maruko stood, surrounded by thousands of stinging insects. She didn't seem to mind them. "Two girls and one boy," she said, holding out her pinky to Akaya. "Promise."

  
&-&

  
Gen-papa expected to find Akaya and Maruko huddled under a tree, waiting for rescue. He was not prepared to find Akaya, swathed in bandages and dangling from a tree while Maruko fed him wild berries.

"Dad!" Akaya wiggled and swayed in his cocoon. "Help me!"

Kabaji-san walked over and picked up his daughter, tossing her over his shoulder. "I'll go back," he said.

Gen-papa watched Akaya sway from the tree. "Have you learned your lesson?" Gen-papa asked, taking out his multitool and cutting Akaya down.

"Yes papa. Girls are gross."

Gen-papa dusted the dirt off Akaya's back and cleaned a smudge from his cheek. "Correct."

&-&

Masaharu never signed up to comfort the jilted bride, let alone Akaya's jilted bride. "Stop crying," he said, patting Maruko on the back as he'd seen Papa do when Mama was having an emotional moment. "You're ugly when you cry."

"Maruko is cute!" Maruko kicked Masaharu in the shin. "Maruko is cute, her babies will be cute, her husband will be cute, and you're an ugly, gross, stinky boy and I hate you!" She kicked again but Masaharu dodged.

"Come to mommy, Maruko-chan." Renjiko patted her lap. She and Seiichi-mama were sitting by the campfire, watching the stew and knitting booties. "You didn't want to marry that dirty little boy, did you?"

Sei-mama's knitting need was sliding out of the bootie she was making. Yarn started to unravel.

"He would make good babies with Maruko-chan!" Maruko argued, leaving Renjiko to stand by Sei-mama. "Maruko is staying here."

Masaharu left a somewhat pleased Sei-mama and a very peeved Renjiko for the safety of his tent. His super spy kit was there. Everything would be fine once he had his super spy kit.

  
&-&

  
Black wig firmly in place, Masaharu glanced out his tent. Akaya, Gen-papa, and Kabaji-san were still out gathering wood – excellent. Masaharu strolled out of his tent, affecting Akaya's slump-backed stance.

"Honey!" Maruko ran from Sei-mama's side and latched onto Masaharu's arm. She squinted. She sniffed. "It's you!" She kicked him in the shins.

"Masaharu, why are you wearing Akaya's clothes?" Sei-mama patted her lap. "Come tell Mama all about it."

"I don't need to sit on your lap!" He pulled the wig off. "I was just trying to make the stupid girl go home and leave Akaya alone so we can have dinner and go to bed and go home! I hate camping and I hate you!" He pointed to Maruko and she started to cry.

"You're not supposed to yell in front of girls, Masa-nii," Akaya said from behind a stack of wood.

Maruko sniffled and launched herself at Akaya, who threw the wood at her.

"I don't like girls," Akaya said. "I'm going to marry a boy who can make money and kill antelope, just like Papa." Behind Akaya, Gen-papa and Kabaji-san carried two antelopes. Gen-papa's had a bit of string around its hoof. "He hit a pressure point and wham! it fell over! Girls can't do that."

Maruko grabbed Akaya's arm. "You're going to marry me!" Maruko said, digging her nails in. "Maruko-chan can be a boy too!"

Akaya laughed and shook her off. "It doesn't work like that. Gross girls will always be gross girls."

"Maruko-chan is already part of your family now! See!" She pointed to her hair, which she'd put up like Sei-mama's.

"Then you're our sister and that's double gross," Masaharu said, pulling Akaya behind him. "I'm the older brother and I say if Akaya likes boys then leave him alone, girl."

"Masaharu, be nice," Sei-mama warned, her hand resting on her tummy. "You have to treat little girls with respect." She smiled at her stomach and patted it. "Consider it practice for your little sister."

Masaharu rolled his eyes. Sei-mama was being weird again.

"It's time for dinner," Gen-papa said. He'd already skinned the antelope and set the meat out to dry over a secondary fire. "Dinner then bed."

"Yes Papa!" Maruko said, running over and batting her eyelashes up at Genichirou. "Papa likes Maruko, right?"

Gen-papa looked down at the little girl and said, very seriously, "Papa only likes Mama."

Maruko broke into tears and Masaharu and Akaya snickered. Sei-mama frowned. "Boys, be nice!"

"Yes Mama!" Akaya said. Masaharu followed with a nod. If they didn’t agree, they didn't eat. If they didn't eat, then Masaharu would die and wouldn't get an antelope skin coat. Speaking of coats. "Hey Akaya, wanna redeem yourself as a man?"

Akaya grabbed a bowl of stew and scooted closer. "Whatcha thinking?"

"Tonight, after they leave, we sneak into their camp and take her coat. We'll be gone before they notice."

Akaya grinned and raised his spoon. "Deal."

&-&

  
Akaya and Masaharu tiptoed into Camp Kabaji. They each had one meter of string and a small Swiss army knife. Both had the knives removed because Gen-papa said young boys shouldn't play with sharp things. The didn't need the knives anyway. Who needed a knife when you had rope?

"What's that noise?" Akaya asked, clutching Masa-nii's arm. "It sounds like a bear."

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhsssssssssssssss!"

Masaharu grabbed Akaya's arm. "It's gotta be bigger than a bear."

"I wanna go home," Akaya said, trembling. "I don't want to steal her coat."

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhsssssssss!"

"The antelope coat's probably going to be really nice," Masaharu agreed. "I'll let you borrow it."

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhsssssssssssss!"

"Let's go!" Akaya grabbed Masa-nii's arm and they ran back to the safety of their camp.

  
&-&

  
Masaharu woke with Akaya's toe in his nose. Deeply in his nose. "Get off me," he grumbled, shoving Akaya away.

Akaya snortled out something about gummy bears and shoestring potatoes, then curled back into his sleeping bag.

"Children!" Sei-mama sang, whipping open the tent door. "It's time to go hooooooome!" Sei-mama's cheeks were rosy pink and her teeth looked extra white. Whenever she was in a good mood like this, it only took the smallest things to turn her into a nasty beast woman.

Masaharu shook Akaya awake and started cleaning up the inside of the tent. "Time to go."

"We didn't get the bear skin." Kirihara yawned and stretched, wiping some drool from his chin.

"S'okay. Antelope is softer. We can always come back later and hunt bear with your girlfriend." Masaharu snickered while Akaya blushed.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Akaya threw his rolled sleeping bag at Masa-nii and stomped out of the tent.

"I'm his wife!" came a scream from the far end of camp.

Akaya ran back in the tent.

"Maruko-chan's going to come visit us while her parents finish up their weekend in the woods. Isn't that lovely?" Sei-mama sounded way too happy to have a disgusting, clingy girl around.

"Whatever," Masaharu said. To Akaya he whispered, "we can still steal her coat!"

Kirihara was in a ball in the corner of the tent. "I'm gonna go live with the lake monsters now."

And so, with Maruko in toe, the Sanada family left their camping haven and returned to the city. Masaharu showed his antelope coat off to Yagyuu-sensei, who was very impressed, Sei-mama and Gen-papa continued to await the birth of their daughter, and Akaya spent most of his time in closets, hiding from Maruko-chan, who had learned several useful knots from Sei-mama.


End file.
